Curious about how to improve your sexting technique? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered! HollywoodLife.com spoke to two highly qualified experts to provide you with the BEST tips to make your sexting steamier and more enjoyable.
Sexting became a vital part of dating and relationships almost overnight, and now it seems like everyone is doing it. I almost said “everyone and your mother”, but that would have been uncomfortable. Anyway, since sexting is really having a moment as the digital age continues to dominate the dating scene, HollywoodLife.com reached out to two of our favorite experts to shed some light on the do’s and don’ts. Sean Jameson from BadGirlsBible.com and Dr. Kat Van Kirk, a licensed sex therapist and author, provided HollywoodLife.com with some really great, interesting insight that you should definitely check out. Ready? Let’s do this!
Who should be initiating sexting? Honestly, it doesn’t matter. However, Dr. Kat says that women feel more “comfortable” initiating sexting because they use it as a flirting technique. “They often feel safer, because they are in control of the experience and can choose how much to share or withhold,” Dr. Kat told HollywoodLife.com. “It also sends a clear message of female empowerment.” However, Sean says that it can’t be something that comes “out of the blue”. He added, “You’ll have much more success if you match your sexting with where your relationship and comfort levels are already at.”
Speaking of initiating, what’s the best way to do that? Sean says that this, too, depends on your level of comfort with one another. “If you have been in a long term relationship and have never tried sexting before, then you should slowly dip your toe in the water by sexting something rather tame like, ‘I had a very hot dream about you last night’ or ‘I was thinking about you in the shower this morning,’,” Sean suggested. [Editor’s Note: From experience, be prepared to share your dream and/or thoughts — because that’s the first question he’s going to ask.] According to Sean, “These texts are tame and won’t shock or scare your man. Once he responds positively, you can then escalate your raunchiness.” But things will be different if it’s a dude you only see or talk to when you want to get it on. “Feel free to be more explicit and direct” in that case, Sean says, suggesting that sending your guy something like “I can’t wait to taste you later” or “I need to feel you inside me tonight” are great ways to kick things off. “The key is making it feel natural and matching your sexting level to where your relationship is at,” Sean explained.
Are pictures and video mandatory? In short, no — but they do make things more interesting. Dr. Kat suggests, “Mix up the media. Go from written, to mildly erotic pictures, to more explicit, and then short video clips.” On top of that, Sean makes a very good point — don’t do anything you’re not comfortable doing. “The main rule here is that you should only send videos/pictures if you are comfortable with the idea,” Sean explained. “If you are in a long distance relationship, they can help a lot to keep you on his mind.” And when it comes to sending anything nude, Sean encourages women to only do so when they “100%” trust their sexting partner. You need to be sure that what you are sending isn’t going to be sent to or shared with anyone else.
Yes, there are benefits to sexting. Aside from the obvious tension building of a hot sexting conversation, Dr. Kat says that it also opens up another line of communication between partners “by getting partners in the mode to advocate for what they want in bed.” She added, “Sexting can build a strong foundation for a pattern of dialogue about sex in general. Couples who sext are more apt to share fantasies thereby experiencing an increased sense of trust and vulnerability in their relationship.” Sean added that it makes long distance relationships “more tolerable” when a couple is forced to go a long period of time without seeing each other.
So, what are some DON’T’s when it comes to sexting? Dr. Kat says DON’T:overstep your bounds, include your face in nudes, or share your conversations with anyone. DON’T sext under the influence or be a one-sided sexter. If the person you’re trying to sext isn’t reciprocating, they aren’t into it. Sean says DON’T: be too explicit, because being coy and suggestive helps build sexual tension. DON’T send the same type of sexts every time, get creative and mix things up a bit. DON’T feel like sexting is mandatory, because it’s not. If you’re not comfortable then you have every right to shut it down. Last but not least, DON’T send nudes unless you 100% trust the person receiving them.